i just watched third star and

yeah, you can’t ever expect a happy ending out of a movie about a twenty-nine year old man with terminal cancer (“don’t hit people with cancer!”) but god this was a heartwrenching film

there were some tedious moments only made light with the humorous dialogue between four guys who honestly were still fourteen in their hearts. all of this just accumulating in the end, i don’t know, i lost my words.

benedict cumberbatch is honestly, honestly an amazing actor and i’ve realized that his eyes are magical. charming, mesmerizing, honestly magic. it’s like he can control them in ways that we normally can’t. my favorite scene in sherlock is when sherlock apologizes to john, tells him “i’ve only got one,” and when john ignores him, the way his eyes move. they’re frantic, zipping back and forth such minute movement and he’s got control over that.

in the film, it’s like his eyes just sheen over with ice whenever he feels the pain of his character. there was a lot of editing in the film, yeah, but the way benedict just controls it all, grasping and losing his senses at the same time, it’s brilliant. brilliant.

miles was ridiculous but only at the end was he just so perfect, so heartbreakingly perfect. in the way james asks him to do it together, there’s an audible crack that isn’t the sound of the waves, and. it’s chilling. chilling, watching him become sand, dirt, that’ll dance across the cosmos that miles probably believes exists now.

i couldn’t utter a word after the film ended. listened to the soundtrack play as i read reviews and i think everyone thinks the way i do, that the ending of this film is what makes it. the internal struggle amongst the friends, the final struggle (not the giving in that james detested, actual struggle) of letting it all go. god everything was just so cold. so overwhelmingly sad and cold and finite.

maybe some people will think that i’m being overdramatic haha but it really..that last scene.

what would you have done?

life is full of constant struggles but i think that there is an answer and that there is happiness at the end of it all. we’ve just got to know when.